Thanksgiving Quotes | Wit, Wisdom, and Smarmy Platitudes

It’s almost Thanksgiving…oh joy.

Several Thanksgiving dishes on a table.

CC-BY CarbonNYC/Flickr.

A day of thanksgiving is celebrated in some form across the globe, and the American Thanksgiving Holiday is celebrated on the last Thursday of November.  In light of this holiday, a lot of people are going to be looking for Thanksgiving Quotes – and probably cash advances for Black Friday shopping sprees – so why not impart a few? Like most quotes about holidays, you find the occasional sarcastic gem, and then you also find some really smarmy stuff that goes great on a greeting card – the kind you know is cheesy, the receiver knows is cheesy, but is sent anyway as a matter of course.

First – a quick riff on Thanksgiving origins

A day of Thanksgiving was traditional after a harvest, before and after the Pilgrims.  We all know the story about the Pilgrims and the Indians (the Wampanoags, and in return for their hospitality and gregarious compassion received…smallpox!), so we aren’t going to retread that ground, excepting that it’s now thought, in some circles, that the reason the Wampanoags did that was to keep those pesky Europeans (even then known as jerks) from stealing from their food stores and plundering the land.  (That idea didn’t take!)  Since days of Thanksgiving in late fall were commonplace, then President Washington declared a national day of it.

Now to the meat (white or dark, your choice) of Thanksgiving Quotes!

  • “And they (turkeys) are a bird.  A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and…filled with stuffing.” – Bob Saget, from the Huffington Post
  • “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”  – John Fitzgerald Kennedy
  • “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare.  They are consumed in twelve minutes.  Half times take about twelve minutes.  This is not a coincidence.” – Erma Bombeck
  • “We should just be thankful for being together.  I think that’s what they mean by ‘Thanksgiving’, Charlie Brown.” – From A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.
  • “Thanksgiving has become a day when Americans extend a hand to the less fortunate.  Long before there was a government welfare program, this spirit of voluntary giving was ingrained in the American character. It should be a day of giving as well as thanks.”  – Ronald Reagan.
  • “Thanksgiving is not an anachronism whose time has passed.  It is much more than a holiday to celebrate a meal shared between the Pilgrims and Native Americans.  It is a time to reflect and be thankful for what we have – not for what we cherish, desire, or envy.”  – Ted Nugent.  (That’s right, the Great White Buffalo!)
  • “And lord, we’re especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.  Anyway, we’d like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and love our family’s experienced.  Well, not today, you saw what happened! Oh Lord, be honest, are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what?” – Thanksgiving Prayer by Homer Simpson.  (As if 7th Heaven is what families are like – admit it.)

I thought a mix of endearing cheese and a little dark humor was best.  That aside, hopefully these Thanksgiving Quotes gave you a chuckle.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving, travel safely, and may the blessings of the holidays be upon you.

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