Thanksgiving Quotes from funny people

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving quotes from funny sources are just better. And yes, football is that important. Image from Wikimedia Commons.

To combat the typical trite nonsense, some Thanksgiving quotes that are actually funny are in order. Some delight in platitudes that inspire or warm the heart, but others would rather get a good laugh from funny Thanksgiving quotes. Then there are crusty old cynics who have had it with Hallmark-approved sayings.

Some Thanksgiving Quotes from Funny people

Without further ado, here are some gems of Thanksgiving quotes from funny sources:

  • “We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” – George Carlin
  • “I celebrated Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” – Jon Stewart
  • “Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” – Johnny Carson
  • “Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.” – Kevin James
  • “Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” – Ambrose Bierce, from The Devil’s Dictionary
  • “Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.” – Mike Connolly
  • “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” – Irv Kupcinet
  • “On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.” – Author Unknown, astutely observing the prevalence of the Thanksgiving Classic.
  • “I love Thanksgiving turkey … it’s the only time in Los Angeles you see natural breasts.” Arnold Schwarzenegger

A quick word from Mark Twain

  • Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for… if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians.” – Mark Twain

Hope these were amusing. Happy Holidays!

Sources

QuoteGarden

Quotations.About.com

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