“Mandatory volunteerism” is one step closer to becoming a reality in America, thanks to HR 1388.

Rep. Carolyn McCarthy [D-NY] and 37 other co-sponsors introduced this public service bill to the floor of the House of Representatives, where both Republicans and Democrats combined to vote 321-105 in favor. Next it goes to the Senate for a vote, then to  President Obama’s desk for his signature or veto.

The title of HR 1388 – “Generations Invigorating Volunteerism and Education” (GIVE) – creates an acronym that is entirely more charitable than the reality of the bill, says the blog Bungalow Bill’s Conservative Wisdom. Bill claims it will “force your children into involuntary service to the government,” and points out that numerous critics of the bill agree that HR 1388 does indeed require Americans and their children to volunteer for community service. It will costs each and every American a $3 cash advance apiece in 2010 to implement.

Nothing wrong with that in principle, but…

How long and to what extent will service be required? Will people have a choice in where and how they serve, and what period of time they will commit? Bill fears that, based on Mr. Obama’s own history of community organization (he worked with ACORN), people might be assigned to work on projects with objects that are not in concert with what the general public believe to be “public service.”

Straight from the mouth of the recent pork-laden spending bill, HR 1388 is a spending bill. It promises college education credits for teenagers who volunteer. But Bungalow Bill and any other right-thinking person would question what’s in it for the government. “Will this be more indoctrination for this collective philosophy that has suddenly come out of Washington since January 20?” Bill asks.

But HR 1388 doesn’t actually force service

True. But it does require the study of whether mandatory service would be useful. Part of the text of the bill reads as follows:

(6) Whether a workable, fair, and reasonable mandatory service requirement for all able young people could be developed, and how such a requirement could be implemented in a manner that would strengthen the social fabric of the Nation and overcome civic challenges by bringing together people from diverse economic, ethnic, and educational backgrounds.

A commentary on Bill’s blog has the following (and rather telling response):

Mandatory volunteer? Is that like “Jumbo Shrimp?” “Humane war?” Mandatory Volunteer: Best Oxymoron Ever! Orwell would be so proud!All kidding aside: forced conscription is problematic, Constitutionally speaking (13th Amendment). This is true even with military drafts: they too have been problematic when they’ve been imposed.

President Obama is a Constitutional scholar. Forced conscription is clearly involuntary servitude. The language of HR 1388 must change before it passes. Secular public service – service that includes aiding the “gentiles” – is an admirable goal for all of America. It’s easy to argue that a lack of it on the part of the citizenry is one of the reasons why America has lost its foothold on the world stage.

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MSNBC reports that while America’s rage over AIG continues to burn with righteous fury, there is at least one vocal senator who wants to step up the punishment. Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa made the following exclamation regarding AIG executives:

Obviously, maybe they ought to be removed. But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I’m sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.

Who made him Shogun?

Surely AIG is in the wrong. After taking billions in federal cash advance bailout money, they gave $165 million in bonuses to executives. The government wants to tax it. Furthermore, New York Attorney General Mario Cuomo found that “AIG paid 73 employees bonuses of $1 million or more, 11 of whom are no longer there.” And don’t forget the retention bonus scandal, which AIG paid to many employees to keep them from quitting.

But honestly, Mr. Grassley. This isn’t Japan. Ninjas aren’t about to infiltrate the Federal Reserve. President Obama is not gaijin, no matter how much Alan Keyes sounds his barbaric yawp (kiai). AIG executives are on the president’s mind. He knows they are “reckless and greedy.”

Ritual suicide would be too easy for them

Thank you for your input, Mr. Grassley.

Interestingly, Grassley is up for re-election next year. He voted for the TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program), which allocated some money to AIG. Something tells me he won’t be re-elected. If he is, the voters of Iowa should get set to genuflect and work long days in the rice paddy fields for the great lord and his vassals of swift judgment.

Here’s what I think. I believe in public service. Intense public service. If AIG executives refuse to give back the money, whether it be in the form of taxation or a simple handover to taxpayers, AIG executives give up their freedom and begin to work very hard doing the jobs that nobody else wants to do. Put your back into it, Edward Liddy. Or your spleen.

You’ll live in a boarded up storefront off the same food children in destitute Third World countries eat. If we deem it necessary, we’ll tap into your organs as a power source. Keep pedaling that bike, Mr. AIG; power for a taxpayer’s foreclosed home depends upon it. You will be allowed to live.

Say it straight

“This is ridiculous,” exclaimed Sen. Jon Tester, a Democrat from Montana. AIG executives “need to understand that the only reason they even have a job is because of the taxpayers.”

I couldn’t have put it better myself. Let’s make Tester shogun!

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