I know that Michael Jackson died and that the Chevy Volt is expected to retail for around $40,000. I’ve heard of Twitter and I understand that Hillary Clinton had an emotional outburst in a foreign country.

Except for random news like this that I assimilate by accident, I don’t know anything about important events and trends. Sometimes when I need a break from my online search for fast cash from a cheap payday loan, I attempt to bring myself into cultural conformity by glancing at Google Trends, but I never have a clue what I’m looking at.

Effectively concise and to the point

Today, however, at number 67, wedged between cunagin sypher and starwood property trust was laconic, a word I recognized. How did a word like laconic make it to the Google Hot Trends list? With so many colorful search-terms to choose from — more to love episode 3, mutant parakeet, driven media, myfreecar, and erector spykee the spy robot, to name just a few – why would so many people, relative to total search volume, type something so pedestrian as laconic into their Google search bars?

Very brief in statement or expression

So I put my search for unsecured loans on the back burner, and clicked on laconic. Sure enough I didn’t understand what I was looking at. I resumed my search for the cheapest personal loan, but I couldn’t stay away from laconic. I came back to Google Trends just a minute later, and to my horror, laconic had already slipped to number 88 on the list, just after us mexico soccer and before mark boresow. I clicked on laconic again and began to study in earnest.

Tending not to speak frequently

The first thing I learned is that some Elvis reincarnation named Robert Pattinson delivered a “pretty laconic speech” at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards when he said “that to him Twilight fans ‘are the hottest hotties and the hottest teens.’” So I learned that when you haven’t had much practice speaking, one way to be laconic is to use a single free morpheme like hot as many times as you can in one short sentence.

Precise expression with an economy of words

The next thing I learned is that Jimmy Bedford died and that he was a lean, laconic Tennessean whose job it was to make sure Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey tasted just the way it had since 1866. For 20 years as master distiller he sipped whiskey without swallowing, and he once said, “People tell me I have more will power than anyone they’ve ever known.” From Jimmy Bedford’s story, I learned that without wasted words, 9.5 million cases of whiskey can be dispatched to 135 countries every year.

Terse and to the point

The next entry was more difficult to decipher. As near as I could tell, a horror punk group called Offcuts released a recording “that sounds at the same time laconic and mightily ?!*#ed off but they do it no favours in burying it with distorted screams.” From this, I learned that not everyone who uses a sesquipedalian term like laconic knows how to look it up.

Brevity of speech

Then I learned something important about TV-watching. Starting next March, there will be a new show called Lawman and it will be marked by Timothy Olyphant’s “easy drawl” and “laconic, very Elmore Leonardesque dialogue.” This wasn’t in the article, but I happen to know that Elmore Leonard is the author and screenwriter who said, “Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.” Thanks to Google Trends, I now also know that when the dialogue is short and terse and easy to understand, a new TV show can be a real “humdinger.”

Short, brief, and pithy

The next entry was a blog site called “Laconic Reply” from which I learned that even if you have your very own blog site and you put laconic in the name of it, you might still need 588 words to express your opinion that gender stereotypes are bad things. All because you didn’t look up laconic before you started blogging on your very own site.

Concise to the point of seeming rude, uninterested, or mysterious

I learned all this just today on Google Trends. But already I’m behind the times again, because laconic has now slipped off the Hot Trends list and neither jj hardy, marisa elise, porcini louisville, nor any of the other 97 entries means anything to me. So I’m going to concentrate on getting some quick cash now, because as luck would have it, it’s easier to fill out a personal loan application than it is to keep up with all these crazy trends.

Recently, United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sat down for a town hall-style meeting at the Congolese capital of Kinshasa. According to the Syracuse Post-Standard, her stop is part of an 11-day tour through Africa to promote “development and good governance, and to underscore the Obama administration’s commitment” to aiding the African continent. In particular, her visit to the Congo was meant to focus upon women in the country who are raped during genocide wars.Speaking of the Congo, there’s a country that could use short term loans and payday loans with no faxing…

And she’s upset over one question a student asked her

It appears that the reason for this is that there was an erroneous translation made by the translator onstage with Hillary Clinton, who was angry. The translation given of the student’s question involved what “Mr. Clinton” thought about a foreign policy issue. Here was Hillary Clinton and her angry response:

You want me to tell you what my husband thinks? If you want my opinion, I will tell you my opinion, I am not going to be channeling my husband. My husband is not secretary of state, I am.

Pronoun trouble?

(Photo: mangdiddles.blogspot.com)

Assistant Secretary P.J. Crowley revealed later that it was not the student’s intention to make it sound as though he was asking for Mr. Clinton’s opinion. The fact is that the student was attempting to ask Mrs. Clinton what President Obama’s views were on a deal between China and the Democratic Republic of Congo – NOT Bill Clinton.

But Hillary Clinton was angry

It’s a telling response. Perhaps it’s the limelight Bill Clinton has recently received for his diplomatic mission to North Korea, the mission that freed imprisoned journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee and possibly restarted nuclear talks. Perhaps that has her a bit on edge. However, she has nothing to be jealous about. Bill was working a diplomatic channel that had been established during his own presidency; it was not a slight to Hillary that she wasn’t the one to participate in the meeting with Kim Jong Il. And Hillary has an impressive list of accomplishments in her own right, and she is fully capable to serve as the United States Secretary of State.

Let’s look at the exchange

From the viewpoint of this Examiner piece, “the only thing more offensive to her might have been if the reporter asked her to make some cookies for her husband.” So clearly, there are gender issues here, particularly when it comes to sex roles. Is this something that we’re going to have to cover until the end of time? Men and women have similarities in terms of what they are capable of, but there are also differences. We need to celebrate those differences instead of continuing to use them to separate.

Is Hillary Clinton angry about what Bill was able to accomplish in North Korea? She shouldn’t be. Her State Department did most of the heavy lifting behind the scenes, indicates the Examiner. Bill was simply sent in to close the deal because he’d already established relationships with dignitaries in North Korea. Yes, it is true that Bill Clinton is receiving the credit in the media for having busted open the Ling/Lee situation and being charming old Bill with Kim Jong Il, but Hillary Clinton worked hard to achieve the gains we have made with North Korea.

What’s next?

While it is definitely a low blow, I’m amused by what the Examiner writer suggests could be in the works:

She may truly lose her mind if Monica Lewinsky personally gets Iran to give up on its nuclear program. Judging from her anger in this video I do not think any of us wish to see Secretary Clinton truly lose her temper.

Funny? Maybe. I certainly wasn’t one of those who laughed off Bill Clinton’s affair with Lewinsky back in the day, but I can laugh at this sentiment. After the translation problem was rectified in the Congo, there was no longer an issue. “Hillary Clinton angry!” went the way of “Hulk smash!” It’s a cartoon, not real news about our Secretary of State. What would be news is if short term loans and payday loans with no faxing were instituted in that war-torn country. Apply here if you need that kind of help…

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Thank you, Mr. Clinton. (Photo: thefrisky.com)

Not that Hillary couldn’t have gotten the job done. She’s more than capable. But Bill had already established a relationship with the North Korean government; they’ve even requested to meet with him specifically a few times over the past 15 years.

What job am I talking about? After “exhaustive conversation” with Kim Jong Il in Pyongyang, North Korea, Bill Clinton has managed to secure amnesty for American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee. Ling and Lee had been detained in North Korea since March. The women allegedly crossed the China-North Korea border inadvertently, but in crossing without authorization, they violated North Korean law. Their sentence was 12 years of “reform through labor.”

For amnesty, a special pardon

Heejin Koo reports for Bloomberg that not only did Mr. Clinton’s negotiations with Kim Jong Il secure the freedom of the American journalists, but it may have made headway toward deescalation of North Korea’s growing nuclear weapons program. Despite the fact that negotiating terms of amnesty constitutes an acknowledgment that Ling and Lee violated North Korean law, the results will no doubt be more than satisfactory for their friends, family and anyone else concerned with freedom from oppression.

Yu Ho Yeol of Korea University in Seoul said that Bill Clinton’s successful exchange with Kim Jong Il “will certainly serve as a turning point in the U.S.-North Korean dialogue.” I’d like to suggest that they import cash advances and payday loans with no faxing, but one thing at a time. If you want them, however, apply right here:

What made the difference?

It is true that Bill Clinton is an excellent speaker and negotiator. His previous exchanges with North Korea may have made the difference, but there is a rumor circulated by North Korean Central News Agency that Clinton had been empowered to deliver a “special message” from President Obama. However, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs denied this.

This is not the first successful visit a former U.S. head of state has made to North Korea, however. In 1994, former President Jimmy Carter met with Kim Jong Il and was able to negotiate a freeze of the country’s nuclear activity at the time. This was followed up by visits from President Clinton in 2000 and then Secretary of State Madeline Albright, both of which were for the same purpose as Carter’s visit. However, it was revealed in 2002 that North Korea had resumed their nuclear program in secret, and testing commenced by 2006. The testing culminated in at least a dozen missiles being tested this year, despite international pressure against such action. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton obtained U.N. sanctions against North Korea as a result.

Calling the “New York channel”

Bill and Il (Photo: Bloomberg.com)

Kim Jong Il and North Korea had stated openly that they would not return to the table for nuclear talks with the U.S., China, Russia, South Korea and Japan. But just last week, they expressed interest in negotiations involving Bill Clinton or “a high-ranking Obama administration official,” according to South Korea’s Yonhap News.

Apparently much like the Bat Phone, Kim Jong Il’s administration had a kind of hotline that may have been established through Bill Clinton.  They used it to contact Congressman Bill Richardson on multiple occasions. Richardson had previously been President Clinton’s contact at the United Nations, and he was able to negotiate the release of an American pilot who’d been shot down, as well as the release of a U.S. citizen who’d been accused of crossing into North Korea in 1996. Much like Laura Ling and Euna Lee, this citizen had been accused of spying.

Does Bill Clinton have the magic touch when it comes to amnesty? Depending upon who you ask, he definitely has something that’s magical…

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Exercise your right to know public information.

We are nearing the end of this tour of LegiStorm.com, the site that lets you look at extensive financial information about our nation’s leaders. Now, it’s time to take a look at what’s possibly my favorite section on the site.

Click on the tab called The Score, and you can get a look at the everyday activities of Congress.

The ticker

This section has up-to-the-hour information about what’s going on in that big building on Capitol Hill. When the House is in session, the House Floor Ticker shows which motions and bills are currently being debated.

If no legislation is in play, it shows the upcoming schedule, so you can check in when your favorite bills are up for discussion. So, if you want to find out when the next round of payday loan legislation is up for debate, check it out.

The schedule

Different sections of The Score show the schedule for the House and Senate floors as well as their respective committees. Under Events it shows when the legislature will be on break and other significant meetings that aren’t listed in the above schedules.

Read up on policies

Any recent policy decisions are listed under policy reports. This is a great place to get a straight-forward account of policy decisions as they happened without any sort of media influence. You can browse the following categories: Executive Orders, Statements of Administration Policy, Congressional Budget Office Reports and GAO Reports.

What’s news?

Current news reports are available here. LegiStorm only keeps track of federal Congress, so this is a great place to read big news about states. For instance, today Vermont passed a gay marriage bill. LegiStorm posts a straight-forward news report on the move. However, there is a section for you to post comments, if you feel so inclined.

Elections

Finally, The Score keeps track of all the Federal Elections Commission’s activities. Did you know that there is a steady stream of complaints filed with the FEC?

For instance, the FEC recently closed a complaint filed against Hillary Clinton. A group complained that Sir Elton John’s performance at a fundraiser during her presidential campaign constituted  a contribution from a foreign national. The commission deemed it an act of volunteer service and threw out the complaint April 3.

Bob Corker

Congressional salaries are public information. However, that doesn’t stop Capitol Hill staffers from ranting and raving about LegiStorm.com, a web site that makes it a snap to find out how much Sen. Bob Corker makes.

It’s $179,000 per year, by the way.

Making life easier

Yes, it’s true that we have always had the right to know how much public officials spend on trips and what their investment portfolios look like. However, that used to mean sitting in a dusty office on Capitol Hill and pouring over tiny type for hours.

Now, through the magic of the Internet, it’s all on LegiStorm for journalists and conspiracy theorists and anyone who’s curious to see, instantly. If one of your leaders has taken out payday loans lately, you can find out. It’s all there. Tax information, spouse’s salary, you name it. And, boy, are our country’s representatives mad.

The man behind the mayhem

Jock Friedly created LegiStorm, and everyone from your state representative to the White House doctor has been after his head since. Hillary Clinton filed for an extension on her 2008 taxes, by the way.

Friedly calls himself the “transparency’s sidekick,” and that self-appointed office has gotten him more than a few strongly worded e-mails from Congressional staffers. One Congressman’s chief of staff says Friedly is a “peeping tom” conducting a “witch hunt.”

What can you find

The amount of information on LegiStorm is pretty extensive. The site is broken up into salaries, trips, financial disclosures, foreign gifts, earmarks and “the score,” which contains minutes from the House floor. As I type this, they are debating a bill to give the FDA more authority to regulate tobacco products.

Fun facts

Robert Bennett

Just thought I’d share some of the information I gathered today at LegiStorm: John McCain filed an amended tax return in 2007. Joe Biden has taken 74 trips while in office. Sen. Robert Bennet got a miniature engraving of the Sun Tsu’s Art of War on bamboo slips as a gift from China.

There’s plenty more where that came from. Check it out: www.legistorm.com