I know that Michael Jackson died and that the Chevy Volt is expected to retail for around $40,000. I’ve heard of Twitter and I understand that Hillary Clinton had an emotional outburst in a foreign country.

Except for random news like this that I assimilate by accident, I don’t know anything about important events and trends. Sometimes when I need a break from my online search for fast cash from a cheap payday loan, I attempt to bring myself into cultural conformity by glancing at Google Trends, but I never have a clue what I’m looking at.

Effectively concise and to the point

Today, however, at number 67, wedged between cunagin sypher and starwood property trust was laconic, a word I recognized. How did a word like laconic make it to the Google Hot Trends list? With so many colorful search-terms to choose from — more to love episode 3, mutant parakeet, driven media, myfreecar, and erector spykee the spy robot, to name just a few – why would so many people, relative to total search volume, type something so pedestrian as laconic into their Google search bars?

Very brief in statement or expression

So I put my search for unsecured loans on the back burner, and clicked on laconic. Sure enough I didn’t understand what I was looking at. I resumed my search for the cheapest personal loan, but I couldn’t stay away from laconic. I came back to Google Trends just a minute later, and to my horror, laconic had already slipped to number 88 on the list, just after us mexico soccer and before mark boresow. I clicked on laconic again and began to study in earnest.

Tending not to speak frequently

The first thing I learned is that some Elvis reincarnation named Robert Pattinson delivered a “pretty laconic speech” at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards when he said “that to him Twilight fans ‘are the hottest hotties and the hottest teens.’” So I learned that when you haven’t had much practice speaking, one way to be laconic is to use a single free morpheme like hot as many times as you can in one short sentence.

Precise expression with an economy of words

The next thing I learned is that Jimmy Bedford died and that he was a lean, laconic Tennessean whose job it was to make sure Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey tasted just the way it had since 1866. For 20 years as master distiller he sipped whiskey without swallowing, and he once said, “People tell me I have more will power than anyone they’ve ever known.” From Jimmy Bedford’s story, I learned that without wasted words, 9.5 million cases of whiskey can be dispatched to 135 countries every year.

Terse and to the point

The next entry was more difficult to decipher. As near as I could tell, a horror punk group called Offcuts released a recording “that sounds at the same time laconic and mightily ?!*#ed off but they do it no favours in burying it with distorted screams.” From this, I learned that not everyone who uses a sesquipedalian term like laconic knows how to look it up.

Brevity of speech

Then I learned something important about TV-watching. Starting next March, there will be a new show called Lawman and it will be marked by Timothy Olyphant’s “easy drawl” and “laconic, very Elmore Leonardesque dialogue.” This wasn’t in the article, but I happen to know that Elmore Leonard is the author and screenwriter who said, “Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.” Thanks to Google Trends, I now also know that when the dialogue is short and terse and easy to understand, a new TV show can be a real “humdinger.”

Short, brief, and pithy

The next entry was a blog site called “Laconic Reply” from which I learned that even if you have your very own blog site and you put laconic in the name of it, you might still need 588 words to express your opinion that gender stereotypes are bad things. All because you didn’t look up laconic before you started blogging on your very own site.

Concise to the point of seeming rude, uninterested, or mysterious

I learned all this just today on Google Trends. But already I’m behind the times again, because laconic has now slipped off the Hot Trends list and neither jj hardy, marisa elise, porcini louisville, nor any of the other 97 entries means anything to me. So I’m going to concentrate on getting some quick cash now, because as luck would have it, it’s easier to fill out a personal loan application than it is to keep up with all these crazy trends.

(Photo: bharrison.wordpress.com)

The vision of President Obama is that programs like Cash For Clunkers will eliminate all of the gas guzzling monstrosities of rusted metal that populate America’s highways, replacing them with pristine machines with glistening MPG ratings and minimal impact upon the environment. The reality of the situation is that some people can afford the luxury of brand new, fuel-efficient vehicles, but most cannot, even with a $4,500 boost from Cash For Clunkers. In order to make a down payment, or even monthly payments, payday loans and cash advances come into play.

But that won’t stop the automakers

According to ZDNet, Chevrolet is going pedal to the metal down the path toward the perfect electric car with the new Chevy Volt. Despite the limitations that still exist in the battery technology for electric vehicles, Chevrolet still feels that Chevy Volt is going to catch the eye – and the wallets – of the American driving public.

Right up front, the most obvious selling point for the Chevy Volt in this Cash For Clunkers, go green for the Obamavironment  universe is that this electric vehicle will get up to 230 miles per gallon in city driving. How’s that for a mouth-watering number? In terms of electricity costs per 100 miles, it’s only $2.75 by Chevrolet’s estimate. But if you aren’t near a place where it’s convenient to plug in, you’re in for some trouble. You might find that you need a tow for that high tech dead battery chariot, and if you don’t have a tow package or cash on hand, you might consider payday loans or cash advances. You could even apply for them here.

Ready for 2011

Based on the prospect of being free of the gasoline pump and its skyrocketing costs will be a big draw for many consumers. However, people will have to wait before they can get their hands on this vehicle. The Chevy Volt won’t go in to production until late 2010. It will be available as a 2011 model.

Before you sign up to buy a 2011 Chevy Volt, here are a few things you should definitely know:

1. With a single electric charge, the battery of your Chevy Volt can carry you 40 miles under optimal conditions. Thus, this vehicle is an electric/fuel hybrid.
2. Once the standard combustion engine is taken into account, the overall range of the Chevy Volt will be around 300 miles. Plan your trips accordingly and find an electrical outlet you can use.
3. GM recommends that the Chevy Volt be plugged in for recharging at least once per day, but users may need more depending upon usage.
4. Just how much mileage you get on a charged battery will depend upon a number of factors, including how much cargo you’re carrying, whether or not you’re using the air conditioning and just how many passengers you’re dragging along. But don’t literally drag them, please.

Um, I can’t use the AC?

Of course you can use the air conditioning. President Obama’s drive to improve the environment hasn’t cracked down on automobile air conditioning and their evil freon yet. Give it time. But until then, you can use the air conditioner in your Chevy Volt. Just keep in mind that it may decrease the miles you get out of a charge significantly. ZDNet notes that once the Volt’s battery dials down to minimum charge, extended-range mode will automatically kick in. Thus, you won’t stall out while merging onto the freeway. The Chevy Volt will begin to utilize it’s combustion engine to produce electricity that will continue to operate the car. That is cool, but remember to recharge the battery as soon as you’re done with your trip.

Ready for a real jolt?

We’ve talked about the range of the Chevy Volt, which will be a problem for some people. But the real kicker with the Chevy Volt will be the price tag. Most consumers simply won’t be able to afford it at $40,000. I know I won’t, and I believe that will be the case for most consumers who are looking for inventive news ways to stretch their dollar. Monthly car payments on a Chevy Volt aren’t taken into account by any government or dealer discount plan. You simply have to buckle up and try to make it.

At the very least, payday loans and cash advances are good for a down payment…

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