Itching to live in a big city? You'll probably spend more time in your car than you do in your dramatically overpriced home.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article called “I’m Sorry I Don’t Want to Live in the Big City.” Yet another couple of my friends are moving across the state this weekend, further aggravating my condition.

My condition is one of mild irritation. It gets inflamed when people who live in this perfectly good mid-sized metro talk about “the big city” as though it is so superior. That’s fine — people are entitled to their opinions.

Fanning the flames

However, mild irritation is replaced by frustration and higher blood pressure when people try to talk me into jumping on this horribly ill-advised big-city bandwagon. Worse yet, they act befuddled when I tell them I have no interest in doing so.

They go all wide-eyed and gasp “Why not?” as though I’ve just said I don’t like puppies and music. Because of my frustration and blood pressure heightening condition, I usually just gasp “Whyyyyyyyy would I?” and leave it at that. But now, thanks to this nifty calculator I found on CNN, I can calmly, and coolly explain that I don’t want to have to get a personal loan every month just to pay my rent.

Check out the cost of living calculator

I found this simple cost of living calculator at CNN Money. It simply asks “How far will my salary go in another city?” You plug in  your yearly earnings and the city you live in, and it tells you how much you’d have to make per year to maintain a comparable standard of living in whichever city you choose to compare it to.

The best part, at least for me, is that it not only tells you how much you’d have to make to “get by” in this other city, it says how much more things cost there. For instance, in “the big city,” compared to the city I live in now, groceries cost 16 percent more and health care costs 12 percent more.

The dealbreaker

Best of all, I found out from the cost of living calculator that in this “big city,” this ridiculously overcrowded metropolis on the other side of the state, housing costs 91 percent more!

So next time I get the shocked, aghast “Why not?!” I have statistical evidence that life will not be superior in the magical, mystical big city. Not to mention that I’d have to make almost $10,000 more per year to maintain my eating and paying rent habits.

Don’t even try

There is more than one “big city” in my neck of the woods that my fellow residents apparently hold some sort of hero worship for just because it’s “bigger” and “closer to the beach.” So  it’s possible that after I’ve thwarted the Big City Number One argument, they’ll just start talking up Big City Two.

But I am a step ahead! I checked on this other Big City. The one that’s not quite so big but a little bit farther away and has a few more hippies. It says housing in this hip, environmentally friendly place will cost 65 percent more, groceries will cost 10 percent and utilities will be 11 percent more.

So, if you’re like me, and sick of fielding questions on why on earth you don’t want to pack up all of your things and move to a place where you’ll pay thousands more in rent for the privilege of sitting in traffic jams on a daily basis, check out the cost of living calculator.

Breathing smog costs extra? No, thanks.

I live in what many refer to as a “mid-size metro,” and I love it. Housing is reasonably priced, everyday parking is reasonably priced and it has all of the same “benefits” of living in a big city.

There are plenty of restaurants, bars, concert halls, parks and other general places for amusement. There are plenty of grocery stores, convenience stores, fancy new buildings and rundown old buildings. You can get installment loans for bad credit here just as easily as you can anywhere else.

So why does everyone I know want to move to the “big city”? And why are they so incredibly flabbergasted that I don’t want to do the same thing? Just for the record, I will state, once at for all, my case.

Thankfully, good things must come to an end

I recently took a trip to the “big city.” I had a fabulous time. I went for a wedding, and it was beautiful. I saw lots of old friends, went to lots of great places and generally had a wonderful time.

However, amid all the fun I was reminded why the “big city” is a great place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

You want me to pay what for parking?

Let’s start with the fact that bargain-basement parking is $6. Yes, I know, $6 is a great price for a parking spot downtown on a Saturday night. You know what’s a better price? Free.

That’s how much it costs to park downtown in my little mid-sized metro town. Sure, there are parking lots that charge money, but if you plan well and snag a spot on the street after 7 p.m., it’s free.

Sometimes bigger is just bigger

So, after emptying the contents of my wallet to pay for my parking spot and my friend’s parking spot, we started to walk. The $6 parking spot we found was a good 20 minute walk from our destination. I’m a big fan of a good walk, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a positive thing when it gets tacked on to a “night out on the town.”

So we walked to the club. The club demanded we pay a cover. We paid the cover. When we got in there, guess what people were doing? Drinking and dancing. There was no live music or show of any type. Just super loud speakers and opportunities to spend yet more money. I don’t know why in the “big city” it’s totally normal to charge people for the privilege of buying drinks, but I think it’s ridiculous.

In conclusion …

So, that’s pretty much the gist of my argument. Throw in the usual complaints about traffic and pollution and “big city” attitudes, and that pretty much covers it.

It’s true, these little issues I have with the big city are nothing that I couldn’t get over if I did live there. My point is, I’m perfectly happy where I am. I think the grass is greener on my own side of the fence. Or, to be more accurate, I think the grass is the exact same color on both sides of the fence, but the grass on the other side is more expensive.

So there you have it. That is why I don’t want to move to the “big city.” Now quit asking!