I may have to call in an art expert to examine that dusty old painting that grandpa left me. I was looking at it the other evening, waiting for my creaky old computer to come online, and I thought that the signature read ‘van Dingelen’. If it is by the Dutch Master, I may have a fortune hanging on my wall. I read an article in the NYT recently that said that a van Dingelen had come up on an auction at Sotheby’s and how there had been enthusiastic bidding. The painting had eventually sold for about 300,000 dollars. Oh man, could I use money like that!

How do I get hold of Sotheby’s and Christies?

Will they come out and inspect the painting or do I have to take it to them, meaning  expenses that I don’t have?

It would be a dream

This could be as good as a Lotto win. Can you imagine living with a piece of art that you never even glance at as you pass it a thousand times a day and it suddenly turns out to something of great value? Is it possible that the old painting that’s been hanging on my study wall since grandpa died in 1957 could really be worth great globs of money? The lovable old guy knew exactly what he was doing. He probably bought it from the artist himself back in the early 1900’s when grandpa started making his first money and wanted to help the starving artist.

I’m not the only one taking a new look at the things I live with. We all go through life picking up pieces we fancy, or that we think will go well with the curtains, or some of us with an eye to the future. We live with them and most of us probably leave without doing anything about them.

It could be money

The more I look at the picture the more I am convinced I should call in that art expert. Of course, the painting may turn out to be someone’s third lesson at art school, but who knows?

There was story in the papers last week about a photographer who borrowed large amounts of money from a lender and left her photographs as security against the loan. It seems that she is not alone in doing this kind of business with lenders. At a time when stock portfolios are plunging and many homes, even grand ones, have no equity left to borrow against, an increasing number of art owners are realizing that an Old Master or a prime photograph, when used as collateral, can bring in much-needed cash.

So why not me?

My financial situation deteriorates daily. I wouldn’t have the nerve to try and put up some of my own paintings, I means the ones I painted, as collateral against the loan. But I am not hesitating about walking from room to room peering at everything that’s hanging on the walls and the pieces on the coffee tables. I am in the market for a pleasant money surprise.

Murphy’s Law has struck three times in the same place and it’s going to take a payday loan to get me back on the tracks.

I finish the painting

I finished the painting I’ve been working on these past 10 months – the one with the girl in the red shawl and the big straw hat walking along the beach. I emailed a picture of it to my agent.  He says as far as he’s concerned he can get me $40,000 for it easily. Believe me; I can use that kind of money. I put the painting on an easel in my studio so that visitors could see it in good light. Over the weekend the children dropped in to have a look and they brought the grandchildren with them. I received lots of congratulations and kisses from everyone.

Murphy’s Law – Strike 1

No one knows what Tommy, age 6, had in mind, but he picked up a bottle of acid that I keep for etching, opened the cork, tripped and sent the stuff flying over everything. Of course the painting is irreparable. I had a few dark thoughts about young Tom then remembered, I am a kindly old grandfather.

I get going again

I bought a new canvas and started the search for a new subject. I spend hours examining pictures, enlarging them, checking angles and perspectives, shadows and heights. I finally choose one and get ready to print a working copy on my faithful old printer.

Murphy’s Law – Strike 2

I press the ‘print’ button and get a loud ‘bang’ and lots of white smoke. I run out to buy a new printer. “That model is no longer in stock, sir!” I ask what I should do with all the little containers of ink and for a moment I thought the salesman was going to tell me just what to do with them. At this moment I apply for a payday loan and buy a laser color printer.

I start again

I’m back in action. The new printer is great but I had to call in a technician to set it all up. I have primed the canvas and am ready to go. The picture is of a woman on a balcony with very bright colors and flower pots and masses of flowers everywhere. One has to be careful with one’s choice of subject, after all you are going to work on it for anywhere between six months to a year.

Slow progress

The work goes very slowly. Perhaps I’m not a hundred percent happy with the subject and am still thinking about the girl on the beach. But I press on and work diligently at every possible minute. The picture is taking shape. My agent came over for coffee last night, took one look and was most enthusiastic. “Work faster!” he roared. “I need the commission already!”

Murphy’s Law – Strike 3

Six months has passed and I’m excited. The picture is just great. It must have been an electrical fault or did I forget to switch off the heater? Fire! Thank goodness the acrid smell of smoke woke us in time.

Help!

Where do I find that form to fill in for another payday loan – I can’t even afford to buy a canvas!

I’m going to be an old master! I’m busting to hold an exhibition of my work.

Perhaps a Payday Loan could solve the problem of framing, rental and advertising. I paint and the paintings are piling up. I’m crazy about my work and my wife likes it too. I started some years ago after I hadn’t touched a brush for years while I was too busy working, Once I retired, I was re-infected by the bug. I am determined to be an old master and so far I’m doing very well on the ‘old’ part of the equation.

I use the spare room – no one ever sleeps over these days. I juggled the furniture around, donated the bed and set up my easel opposite the window. It works fine and looks nice and messy, just the sort of place van Gogh or Monet would work in. I paint with acrylic paints on canvas, using nice warm, bright colors. The problem is that the pile of canvases is growing steadily and there are sounds coming from the other half of the family suggesting that it’s time to ‘do something about the mess.’ That was all the good news.

The bad news

I’m flat broke. In today’s mail is the account for the annual property taxes. I will add it to the pile marked ‘waiting to be paid,’ mumble words of hope over it and forget about it until the city inspectors come banging on the door. I have heard talk in the art group of a payday loan and I really should take the time to find out what this is all about.

The solution

Simple. Hold an exhibition of my works. Put healthy prices on the paintings and make myself some real money. The more people hear about me, the more I will become known, the more I will sell and the higher the prices I can charge. Like I said, simple!

The problem

Oil paintings on canvas have to be framed for an exhibition, otherwise they look cheap and nasty and I want them to look expensive and great. Framing is unbelievably expensive. I could never afford to pay for framing 30 or 40 paintings.

Then there is the venue. I can probably get the church hall for very little, but the place is cold with no facilities, small windows and a grotty old cement tile floor. Plus I don’t think art lovers will come there to look at paintings. A decent venue with a good atmosphere and good lighting will cost. There is the gallery down at the lake, but I heard a figure of about $5,000 per week.

I haven’t looked into things like advertising, a cheese and wine opening, insurance, delivery both ways, hanging costs and who knows what else. If you’ve never done it before there are bound to be a bunch of ‘who knows what elses.’

Aha, a possible solution

I spent a couple of hours on the internet this morning learning all about a payday loan and there is a distinct possibility that this will provide a great solution. Actually, I would like it to be a Sell-Day Loan. They lend me the money, I pay for all the expenses in setting up the exhibition and the minute I sell a few pieces I repay the loan. Think that will fly?

Getting your ducks in a row . . .

I, like a lot of people around the globe, am preparing my life (and my mind) for this, the tenth annual National Novel Writing Month by taking out payday loans and following the steps below.

Called NaNoWriMo for short, the official event takes place all throughout the month of November, with the last of the people meeting the collective goal being verified right before the clock strikes midnight on December 1. Over 101,000 people participated in it last year, with well over 17,000 meeting or beating the event’s collective goal.

So, what is the goal? Participants of NaNoWrimo, nicknamed Wrimos, work for thirty straight days, aiming to produce a 50,000 word piece of fiction spanning whatever genre and/or subject matter they choose. You name the genre, someone, somewhere in the world, has probably at least attempted to write something within it for the event.

Now, as you might’ve guessed, some might charge a Wrimo with being insane. After all, believing you can write 50,000 words in 30 days or less might be considered crazy talk; especially if you’re not too eloquent with words. Regardless, hundreds of thousands still sign up, devoting large portions of their lives for an entire month and sometimes taking out payday loans to achieving literary infamy.

Preparing for NaNoWrimo.

But, before you can take the leap, there are some preparations that all goal-achieving Wrimos must make before November 1 at midnight. Yes, in this way, trying to write a 50,000 word piece of literature in a month, which divides out to at least 1,667 words per day, is like competing in the Iditarod or a triathlon. You need to condition yourself to handle such a workload; your mind has to be in shape, and you can’t be falling asleep after an hour with your face planted firmly in your keyboard.

Next time, we’ll talk about getting your environment ready to make some art, and how payday loans can help you if the contest hinders your ability to make ends meet in November.