Single Seeking Sugar
Where does sugar grow best?
If you’re single and mired in a contemptible cycle of living from paltry paycheck to paltry payday loan to paltry paycheck, consider marrying money. But sugar grows better in some areas of the country than it does in others, and to optimize your chances of securing it, you may have to pack up and move. According to a recent CNN report, the five best places in the United States to find the rich and single are:
Hermosa Beach, California
Median family income: $137,941
You can bask in the sun nearly all year long in this Southern California paradise, although you can’t rely on a suntan alone to attract sugar. To speed you along in your quest for moneyed matrimony, you’ll need to get another low-paying job – perhaps at one of the many bars near the Pier Plaza — so you can get online cash loans for incidental local amenities including roller blades, surf boards, swim wear and volley balls.
Median family income: $108,815
You’re sure to meet someone in the pubs of the Clarendon district where live music and amateur stand-up comedy abound. But the singles scene in Arlington is dominated by scientific geniuses and government types, so you may have to do a little personal upgrading to meet local standards. For starters, you’re going to need another low-paying job – a regular day job, not a stand-up comedy gig – so you can get payday cash advances to fund an advanced online degree of your own. When choosing which degree to click on, think science not art.
Median family income: $106,817
Coronado is a peninsula surrounded by white sand and sparkling waves, so it’s a perfect place to hang out at the beach. But Coronado is a tall order: Golf, tennis, and sailing around the bay are the ordre du jour, so you’ll need to upgrade your employment situation before you move. Then you can make a smooth transition into a high-paying job with a commute to San Diego and qualify for those cushy $1500 online personal loans. You might also consider switching to installment loans because you’ll need extra cash for nightlife in the trendy bars and clubs of the Gaslamp district. For what they’re worth in your quest to marry money, the spectacular San Diego sunsets — sans drinks — are free.
Edgewater, New Jersey
Median family income: $105,830
You may need to do some advance planning if you want to share a million-dollar townhouse nest with an affluent Edgewater professional. Holding hands while gazing at the silhouette of the Manhattan skyline is free. But it’s expensive to flirt with neighbors in the organic produce aisles of the local markets and to expand your social circle while ostensibly toning your muscles at one of the borough’s fitness centers. An Edgewater marriage is a lofty goal, indeed. You’ll need a good income and some correspondingly good payday cash advances to negotiate it. But once you have the necessary extra cash and have taken up that amazing line of steeples, towers, and belfries, you’ll be a shoe-in for marital bliss on the Gold Coast.
Santa Clara, California
To the extent that being single in the Silicon Valley is synonymous with having a high IQ, you may need more than the best payday-loan money can buy to snag sugar in Santa Clara. But armchair sports fans need not despair: Santa Clara is home to the San Francisco 49ers’ training camp, which is open to the public on certain days. For sports fans more inclined to participate than watch, even a modest online cash advance will get you into the water – and possibly marriage — with fellow athletes at the International Swim Center.