Recessionomics: Santa Claus robs yacht club
As Christmas 2010 approaches, it appears that Santa’s sleigh is somewhat lighter than it has been in years past. Retail numbers have improved from those of Christmas 2009, but Santa is nervous; the Rhode Island newspaper headline “Santa Claus robs yacht club” is just another sign of the times, reports The Providence Journal.
Bad Santa robs rich yacht club
Yes, there is a Santa Claus, and that bad Santa needs spending money like you wouldn’t believe. Robbing a liquor store would be one thing, but when Santa Claus robs a yacht club, you know he’s kicking it upscale. According to Lt. Raymond Blinn of the Providence Police, a man dressed in a Santa Claus suit entered the East Providence Yacht Club on Pier Road Sunday evening at around 7 p.m. Santa’s goodie bag was empty, all the better to stuff with bills from the cash register. To make his ho-ho-holdup message clear, Kris Kringle whipped out what has been described by authorities as either a “shotgun or rifle-type gun.”
To the relief of children everywhere, no shots were fired and nobody was hurt when Santa Claus robbed the yacht club.
A potentially deadly caliber of Christmas
Buckshot is not typically associated with Santa Claus, which makes this craven display of felonious holiday cheer all the more jarring. Even if Bad Santa was merely packing rock salt, the trust of true believers may have been shaken. At least the so-called magic man dressed in red with snow-white beard was wearing jeans. That’s not elf-standard attire. Patrick Swayze would have picked up on the ruse immediately and dished out some “Roadhouse”-style justice. If it was indeed Santa, he could quickly fly up the chimney to escape a roundhouse kick.
As it stands, Bad Santa made off with some cash. Area police continue to investigate the case.