Mariano Rivera Spitball? A Little Spit Won’t Do the Trick

Stirring Up Media Controversy Over a Sure HOFer

Mariano Rivera spitball? No way, no how. Vaseline is the way to go. (Photo: flickr.com)

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim baseball club showed signs of life against the New York Yankees in Game 3 of the American League Championship Series, which is truly saying something because the shock of the previous two games they threw away would be enough to put any manager into an early grave. Perhaps the media figures this series needs another shock, so they’re accusing Yankees closer Mariano Rivera of throwing an illegal spitball. More on that in a moment.

Dynastic Tidings Once More?

Yes, the Bronx Bombers in pinstripes are back at the top of their game in 2009. That’s a thought that makes most any fan outside of New York City shudder, from both dread and jealousy. The New York Yankees are one of the two most dominant sport dynasties in American history (along with the Boston Celtics basketball team). I respect their historical accomplishments (since 1927), yet I hate the fact that it requires a cash advance to buy tickets to go watch a team try to (hopefully) beat them. Considering the Angels’ success so far, I may be waiting until the 2010 season.

Is the Rivera Spitball Hype Controversy?

Self-important media types may or may not admit it, but they manufacture news. It isn’t all that different now than when media baron William Randolph Hearst once said to an artist, “You furnish the pictures and I’ll furnish the war.” Mariano Rivera and the spitball do not go together. If you’ve watched him pitch for five minutes, you know that his mastery of the cut fastball is supreme. I’d wager there are few people on Earth who throw the hard-biting pitch that bores in on the hands and breaks bats as well as the Yankees closer. He is an absolute master of his art, something the sports news media member who suggested the Rivera spitball will simply never be. Please turn in your press pass and apply for a job with TMZ. If you need a cash advance now and then, we’re here to help.

Mariano Rivera Spits on the Mound

He isn’t alone there. Umpires are supposed to police players who spit on the ball, however. Because this supposedly makes the ball do unpredictable things that have been outlawed in Major League Baseball since the 1920s. The prime mover was Cleveland Indians star shortstop Ray Chapman, the last player to die in a Major League game. He was struck in the head by a Carl Mays pitch. Mays was a known headhunter and spitballer whose pitches danced up there disheveled and dirty. At the time (1920), players didn’t wear batting helmets and the umpires weren’t under the gun to replace dirty baseball with fresh white ones. Supplies were limited and there was no stadium lighting in the Majors. So a fast-moving, almost black baseball thrown at the head during twilight. Chapman probably never got a fix on the ball.

But Here’s the Thing

Back then, players used all kinds of tobacco, licorice and other foreign juices and edged objects to deface the ball. With the aerodynamics of the ball thus changed, it would duck and dart unpredictably. And for any noticeable difference, it required a lot of junk on the ball. A little bit of saliva will generally only serve to make it hard for the pitcher to grip the ball, thus damaging their ability to control their pitches. Ted Williams, one of the great authorities on baseball living or dead, once said that there’s no way a pitcher could throw a good spitball unless it was “loaded up” good. Even though he wasn’t a pitcher (and his frozen head has allegedly been used for batting practice), Ted Williams is a big enough authority for me.

So Lay Off the Rivera Spitball, Media Clowns

What stuns me about all of this is that MLB took the time to review this. Gee Commissioner Bud Selig, don’t you think your sport has suffered enough from bad decisions of late? Are we going to investigate Babe Ruth’s corked bats now in an attempt to rat him out as his body lies cold in the ground? At least that has more of an impact on a game than a little bit of saliva. The New York Post’s Joel Sherman claims that Rivera “spits constantly,” so I think we need to get Congress involved.

I hope the sod who covered this for USA Today isn’t serious when he says, “Sorry Yankee haters, no suspension is forthcoming for Rivera.” That he even gives the idea credence (and doesn’t seem to be aware of what I’ve shared with you here) make me think that the abundance of color ink in his fish wrap has caused lasting faculty damage. If it causes him to drool, perhaps he can experiment and see how the spitball actually works. I’ll take out a cash advance for him to put a spit cup on the ground in front of him.

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