‘Whiteout’ Movie Gets Blackballed by Critics

Bad ‘Whiteout’ reviews mean bad sales? Nah

Behold, the only reason anyone will see "Whiteout." Image from Wikimedia.

Well, it appears Tyler Perry’s latest foray in film, “I Can Do Bad All By Myself,” is the best film coming out this weekend, at least according to critics. With a 67 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes, “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” blows away the competition.

The movie “Whiteout” right now has a very sad 4 percent rating, but nonetheless I think it’ll probably pull in some serious cash at the box office. After all, last weekend “All About Steve” totally bombed with critics, but it came in third place for ticket sales after “The Final Destination” and “Inglourious Basterds.”

‘Whiteout’ movie stars Kate Beckinsale

I’m sure my coworker who I talked to about the movie “Whiteout” earlier isn’t the only person infatuated with Kate Beckinsale. I’m sure having her play the lead is enough to pull in the $40 million producers paid for it. Going up against “9,” which opened Wednesday, might give “Whiteout” a run for its money, but I am sure it’ll be in the top five at the box office this weekend.

“Whiteout” will probably see a quick payday, make its money back and then ticket sales will nosedive after people start telling their friends it’s not worth it. But, hey, maybe you could be one of those friends, warning your loved ones to save their $10. That is, if these “Whiteout” movie reviews don’t scare you off first.

Critic calls “Whiteout” movie a washout

Amy Biancolli from the Houston Chronicle seems almost angry at this film for insulting her intelligence in her “Whiteout” movie review. She writes:

Director Dominic Sena and four screenwriters (two sets of brothers, Hoeber and Hayes) have adapted Greg Rucka’s and Steve Lieber’s comic-book series with no ear for dialogue, no feel for paranoia and no eye for subtlety. … The film is all panicky zooms and badly staged action dotted with random forensic gross-outs.

There are a couple of critics — literally two — who did like the movie “Whiteout,” sort of. Daniel Kimmel of New England Movies Weekly says it’s an OK way to pass the time, and Fred Topel of Can Magazine says it’s passable and pretty.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

The rest of the reviews, however, sound more like A.O. Scott’s in the New York Times. He writes:

The way “Whiteout” walks the line between implausibility and predictability is neither unusual nor in itself a problem. The problem lies in the movie’s perfunctory, by-the-numbers approach to the story and its characters.

The movie is set in Antarctica (but filmed in Canada), and Scott along with several other critics seems annoyed by the lack of penguins. Pointing out the penguinlessness of this film is a recurring theme in the “Whiteout” movie reviews.

Alternatives to ‘Whiteout’

Not very many people will get the chance to see “Beyond a Reasonable Doubt,” but it appears that might be a good thing. The film is only opening in five theaters this weekend, and it amazingly managed to get even worse reviews than “Whiteout,” scoring a big fat zero on Rotten Tomatoes.

“I Can Do Bad All By Myself” is getting ever better reviews as more “common folk” watch it. If you didn’t go see “9″ when it opened Wednesday, that would certainly be a good alternative to “Whiteout,” at least as far as critics are concerned. “9″ Has a 56 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes right now, much higher than “Sorority Row” with its 29. Still, even the slasher remake film scored a lot higher than the movie “Whiteout.”