Susan Boyle Hospitalized, Kim Kardashian Not Responsible

Climbing every mountain is tough

Does life in the fast lane make you want to lose your mind? Even attention-seekers have their limits. For instance, take the Kim Kardashian engagement ring story. The questions are driving the curvy media diva to distraction. And beau Reggie Bush may be strapping on the pads  so he can sprint for daylight. That’s what the spotlight can do to two perfectly normal, media-chaste individuals who long for the quiet life. I weep for their lives. I’d say a little prayer, but I couldn’t stomach such self-aggrandizing attention-seeking.

If celebrities chafe under the hot lights, imagine what happens when “normal” people are suddenly thrust into the lemon-limelight? The limy glow deep-sixed the pseudo-Jamaican 7-Up man – how can we expect to stop the rain? Patch the roof with no faxing payday loans and an easy loan, of course! Unfortunately, many who’ve tried to patch the overhangs of their sanity with those alone have fallen. You need tar and Spackle to stick those dollar bills in place or the bright lights can still get in. Unfortunately, Susan Boyle is hospitalized, yet more evidence that the spotlight is sour as well as sweet.

Shattering the wall of sanity?

Alan Cowell (no relation to Simon Cowell?) reports for the New York Times that just hours after taking home the runner-up spot on “Britain’s Got Talent,” Susan Boyle was taken straight from her London hotel room to a private medical clinic. She was accompanied by a police escort, because Susan Boyle’s a hospitalized celebrity now, whether she likes it or not.

It is not clear at this writing exactly what Ms. Boyle was suffering from, and Scotland Yard has not released that information or identified that it was indeed Boyle that was taken for medical care. In other news, they will neither confirm or deny the existence of a aquatic creature at Loch Ness. But in this turf adventure, here’s what a spokesman for the law enforcement agency had to say about the incident: “Police were called to doctors assessing a woman under the Mental Health Act. The woman was taken voluntarily by ambulance to a clinic. At the request of doctors, police accompanied the ambulance.”

Crazy for tryin’, crazy for cryin’

Are we crazy for bombarding Susan Boyle (now hospitalized) with such love? Is the Kim Kardashian engagement ring worth this? There are differing schools of thought on this. I tend to believe that what the world needs now is love, sweet love. Sing along to the rest. But not everyone is as sunny as I am. English newspapers had insinuated that Boyle had begun to “behave erratically” after losing to  the group Diversity in the “Britain’s Got Talent” finals. Yet in public, she played the role of a good loser well. But if Paula Abdul (my source of life philosophy) is right, aren’t the contestants in such competitions all winners?

Piers Morgan, one of the judges on “Britain’s Got Talent,” recognized that Susan Boyle being hospitalized (allegedly) could have a lot to do with her being “emotionally drained and exhausted. Nobody has had to put up with the kind of attention Susan has had. Nobody could have predicted it,” he continued.

“It has been crazy, she has gone from anonymity to being the most downloaded woman in history,” he said. “She was very tired and hasn’t been sleeping. She has just gone away to have some time to herself and to sleep and eat, doing all the things she hasn’t been able to do in the last week.”

Did she eat her Wheaties?

Talent shows are nerve-wracking. Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring is yet another sign that she’s continuing to try out her talents at capturing our attention, which is a never-ending job. I have much attention in need of wrangling. If Bruce Jenner’s daughter-in-law wants it, I’ll oblige until the rope burns are just too much. But Susan Boyle being hospitalized? If it’s true, it’s tragic. The woman just wants to sing and taste the big time. She isn’t shaking it on up to the fame buffet like the daughter of a former O.J. attorney.

Don’t get me wrong, feminists. I’m not saying  Bruce Jenner or Robert Kardashian made Kim (although Robert did have a genetic role in it, that much is certain). Kim Kardashian has done her due diligence in self-promotion. Susan Boyle has put in the work to get to where she is, too. According to Fred O’Neil, a former vocal coach: “It’s such a tragic situation, a woman who really just loves to sing, an innocent woman really, who is just caught up in this fame game. I just hope that whatever fame that she has got out of this will eventually bring her some happiness. Obviously at the present time it is not.”

Blame it on Diversity

The turnout to watch Susan Boyle’s pre-hospitalized performance was gigantic, which comes as no surprise for the most watched television program in the  British Isles. Sources indicate it was the most watched English television show in the past five years. Viewership peaked at a whopping 19.2 million viewers, all of them wondering if the unlikely Scottish hero could take home a trophy with a voice that was made for musical theater.

Yet it was the dance group Diversity that beat out Susan Boyle, 24.9 percent to 20.2 percent. Just under four million people voted. Apparently there were other contestants up for consideration, but the average viewer will not remember them – I’ve already forgotten about Susan Boyle and Kim Kardashian, so I may have a difficult time continuing this article. Oh, wait… the image of Kim Kardashian is coming back to me. I blame my genetic programming. Let’s see if she can rap like this guy. Wait, bad idea. At least there’s a Scottish woman who can sing…

Will Boyle’s YouTube celebrity endure?

As at least 90 million YouTube viewers know, Susan Boyle (pre-hospitalized) sang “Climb Every Mountain” in the early rounds of “Britain’s Got Talent.” That performance inspired some and rankled those more jaded. Was it worthy of such lavish praise? Does everyone deserve their day?

I don’t think so, but I will say that Susan Boyle can sing.

Now Ms. Boyle is (allegedly) holed up in The Priory, which according to British media is “an up-scale clinic often associated with celebrity patients.” The Priory had no comment on who was entered into their care, but embattled Prime Minister Gordon Brown did. He wished the Scotswoman well during a political speech.

I wish her well, too. Susan Boyle being hospitalized is not what she needs. She needs to get out of the spotlight for her own health. Leave Kim Kardashian and her engagement ring there, where the stone can reflect the light back and blind us. Turn the kleig lights onto our own reality for a change. And people, be careful out there. Use no faxing payday loans and an easy loan only when necessary.

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