What can I advertise to make money like this?
Along with this morning’s delivery of the International Tribune Herald came “T,” the Design Spring 2009 magazine. It’s always exciting to see what’s happening in design, art and architecture around the world and I couldn’t wait to start paging through. I might even apply for one of those Instant Payday Loans and buy some small trinket for our house, I thought.
Inside the front cover is George Clooney standing next to his Omega Seamaster watch. Both George and watch look good; actually the watch looks great. It says it is co-axial and works under water to 500 feet. That should allay George’s fears. The next page features Sean Connery looking grey and decidedly tired. He is still lugging that Louis Vuitton sports bag around with him. According to the internet, Sean was born in 1930, meaning he is now 79 years old, even older than me. At his age, carrying that bag must be a real drag. Just leave it on the next bench, Sean, someone will pick it up.
Mosaics
The next pages belong to Bisazza Mosaics. The ads show a gorgeous Japanese woman against a background of mosaics. The artwork is stunning and even more so is their website. The mosaics look much like the glass mosaics I was eyeing back in the 60’s but I could be mistaken.
Emporium
Then comes the double page advertising Emporium. This is such a generic name that it could be in any country in the world. In fact when I did a Google search on the internet, I found Emporiums all over the world. This particular Emporium is in Abu Dhabi. I am amazed that a project like this didn’t come up with a unique name. The ad is good but the website is absolutely stunning with a moving show of construction progress.
Great minds
The best ad page in the magazine is that of Ermenegildo Zegna. Three tough looking guys on motor bikes laughing as they apparently flee from a successful bank heist. It’s not clear whether they are advertising bikes, scarves, jackets or sunglasses, but they say Great Minds Think Alike.
On the whole
The Calvin Klein bed looks most uncomfortable and perhaps he should leave furniture design to the architects. I enjoyed the article about the architects’ affinity for boats. Some of the architects mentioned in this magazine can afford major yachts!
The watches
And then there are the watch ads. I don’t get it. If it’s an analog watch, the hands go round and round and nothing that anyone has managed to do can make them go in any other direction. Digital watches show numbers. That’s it. Other than lacing the watch with diamonds or painting the face green there’s not much anyone can do to make his watch different. But the magazine and the ad agencies are pleased to get the business.
I do the not-recommended…
…and open the “T” magazine website. I get the full blast of the advertising. My wife was watching over my shoulder when a picture of the Proenza Schouler Bag, priced at $1,995 appeared on my screen. “That’s nice,” she said. “Can I get one of those?”
My grandfather had a saying. “Something is only worth what some fool will pay for it.” (Granted, that’s the less colorful version.) Oh, and let me assure a lot of people that the watches that are advertised to work to astounding depths have no use at the depth they can go down to. A glow in the dark analog watch will do you no good at 500 feet. First, to get a legitimate dive watch, go to an actual dive shop. Second, when you dive you could give a hoot what time it is – you pay attention to your depth and your remaining air. Air is a FAR bigger priority than fashion 60 feet below the surface, I assure you. It’s ridiculous. A watch that will never need rewinding or new batteries and still looks great – ah, there’s the one.