Have bag – will travel

Want to check your bag, sir. Certainly, sir, that’ll be $15

Traveling is difficult. It’s one big hassle from the time your wife says, “It’s time to pack” until she says “It’s time to put the cases back in the attic.” It’s not the sitting on the plane all those endless hours that have changed – I have grown older and less patient, true – it’s a mixture of the rigmarole that the airport and the airline have developed. The rising costs of travel don’t help, either.

The cab isn’t cheap either

It starts in the cab to the airport. Last time I travelled I spent most of a very respectable Payday Loan just getting to the airport. Yesterday I asked my son to give us a lift. It was an imposition but he is a son and what are children for anyway? He didn’t mind at all. “Gives me a chance to see the new terminal building,” he said.

The terminal

Inside, the terminal is brand new and huge. Security men are everywhere and it takes me a few minutes to orientate myself and find a line to stand in. I am a few passengers away from the check-in counter when I see the signs. “American Airlines and United Airlines are now charging to check bags on their flights.”

I look around to see if anyone else has gone into shock. All I see are American and United officials in their smart uniforms examining the passengers. Clearly they are keeping watch on how much carry-on baggage people take on board to avoid the new check-in fees. I try and explain at the counter that I would love to fly without any bags, but my wife…, you know…, she insists on a change of clothing.

I pay the fee, answer all the security questions about who packed the bag, where the bag was packed, where the bag has been since it was packed and silently swear that I will not travel again. Ever.

Security

Finally I have the precious boarding pass in my hand and I have to pass through the personal security checkpoint. It’s a pain. I empty all the metal objects into the plastic tray – which I understand you will soon have to pay to use – take off my belt and shoes and shuffle through the metal detector that is set to super-sensitive and goes off from a cheap filling job I once had done on a tooth. More questions and hands patting me all over. I’m on holiday and I’m supposed to be having fun and relaxing, I think.

The waiting

There is nowhere to sit. I don’t shop in the duty-free. I find it very expensive and I buy stuff I don’t need in there. I pace. The plane leaves late. Is it my imagination or do all planes always leave late?

The plane

The plane is a flying sardine can. We sit and passengers argue about seats, change seats and try and squeeze more bags into the already over-full overhead bins. We sit and we sit. Then there is some sort of ruckus up front and a gang of uniformed men come in and start opening all the overhead bins. “Checking for excess bags,” they explain.

The end

I think holiday travel is fast coming to an end. It’s just not fun anymore!