How to stay normal when the whole world is crazy
How is it possible, I ponder, as I fill in the C, that the answer to the clue “Warm up” in the New York Times crossword turns out to be ‘DEICE’? One of these days, I promise myself, I will get myself a No Fax Cash Advance and buy myself a new crossword dictionary, one with all the latest words, like DEICE which means ‘Warm up.’ I am sadly out of date and lagging behind in my English.
“We’re going shopping!” The cry comes from the kitchen. I look around. There are only two of us here and WE’RE going shopping? The penny drops and I unwind from the couch with a grand operatic groaning performance.
Sunday night in the supermarket? “They’ve got specials for one night only!” And the whole town knew about it except for a few crossword fans who were busy with the really important stuff. The supermarket is standing room only. “DEICE” meaning ‘Warm Up’? Oh you idiot, I tell myself. It’s DE-ICE and everyone turns to see who is shrieking with crazy laughter. Of course it’s DE-ICE. Serves you right. Now you are consigned to the supermarket. May as well be positive. Anyway DE-ICE wasn’t exactly fair. The clue should have indicated that the answer was hyphenated. What’s on sale?
The Red Wine Special
There are cases of red wines piled dangerously high in the corner under a large sign that says
- 1 bottle – $20
- 2 bottles – $35
- 3 bottles – $48
- 4 bottles – $62
- 5 bottles – $75
- 6 bottles – $87
Hmm, which shall I take, I think. There are Pinot Noirs, Chardonnays, Cabernet Sauvignons and Merlots. There are wines from Chile and Australia and a dozen countries I have never heard of. There are men crowded around the boxes and up to their armpits pulling out bottles and making smacking noises with their lips as though they are already sipping the stuff. “And just look at these prices! I’m taking 5 cases!” I stand back and watch with interest. Most of these men would be lot happier if they were pulling out beer bottles.
“How many are you taking?” asks my wife. “None. I just decided that I don’t like red wine. Have they got a deal on whisky?” “Don’t be ridiculous!”
The $9 deal
They are running a $9 Sunday night sale on all sorts of goodies. Like 3 cans of pickles for $9, 2 packets of cookies for $9, 4 boxes of fruit juice for $9, and more. There’s a catch in very small print. You have to spend $100 to qualify for the $9 deals. We came home with packets of all sorts of stuff we don’t normally buy, but we made the $9 deal! It cost plenty.
Loaders or Loafers?
The clue is easy: “They have no ties”. Who? Idle (Free) Loaders on the streets or those Loafers that you pull on your feet when you’re off to the beach? Even the new dictionary wouldn’t help here.
Discussion of Of Crossword Puzzles and Red Wine – A Study in Economics