Since when is the IRS my Business Partner?

I’m a one-man business

It’s been a torrid morning and it’s left me in a ratty mood. If I had staff working in my office I would fire everyone right now! However, mine is a one-man business. It’s kept pretty busy, or as busy as I want it to be. It allows for such pleasures as a nap after lunch, a visit to a grandchild, or an extra-long lunch hour with a friend. The office is a few steps away from the bedroom and it boasts all modern conveniences such as a computer, fax and telephone.

It’s not all fun and games

The biggest disadvantage of my business is the long hours – I work 24 hours a day. This doesn’t mean that I am working all the time, but the office is open to anyone who calls.

Financing the business

The financing arrangements are simple. I finance everything. I have a partner who makes no contributions at all. When there is a cash crisis, I apply for and receive a Payday Loan which sees me through to the next payday.

Why do I feel like the IRS is now my business partner?

My Partner the IRS

I have a partner, aka the Government, alias the IRS, also known as the Income Tax Department and secretly known by me at various times of the month as “The Bloodsucker,” “The Parasite,” “The Thief” and some shorter 4 letter versions of all the above.

My partner knows everything

Because we are such close partners, we meet regularly. I, as the active partner, divulge all the intimate secrets of the business. I tell him about my old clients and about my new clients. I boast about the amount of work I have been doing in order to properly impress him. He, being the sleeping partner, simply gazes at everything and remains silent.

The partners meeting

I was at his office this morning. We decided a long time ago to meet there and not in the place where I do the actual work. Unlike my desk which is always covered with stacks of papers, little notes on scraps of paper and the back of coffee-shop napkins and a hundred reference books, his desk is clear, containing only a computer screen and keyboard. Sometimes I wish I could be as organized as he is.

The partnership arrangement

We have a partnership agreement. It is simple and straightforward and is based directly on the sharing of income. This is what led to the argument this morning. After I had formally tabled the trading results for the past year, my partner looked at me, smiled, nodded his head in delight and said “thirty-seven point three percent.” I laughed and thumped the table with my fist saying, “very funny indeed! Got any other jokes for me?”

“I’ll check it,” he grumbled and went back to the keyboard and the screen and then said, “I beg your pardon, you are right. I made a mistake. Thirty-seven point one percent.”

This time I hit the top of his desk with the palm of my hand, sending off a loud bang and causing the keyboard to leap into the air.

My partner is upset

“There is no need for that,” said my partner. “We have an agreement, after all.”
“What about your contribution?” I yelled. “What did you do to justify your share?”
“I am upset by your attitude,” he said.
So my partner is upset? Who cares!