Tom Cruise Should Consider Payday Loan Before ‘Valkyrie’ Tanks

Tom Cruise probably doesn’t need a payday loan, but if he did, now would be a good time to apply for it. He may be seeing the last of his paydays soon. Reviews of his film “Valkyrie” are rolling out - and they don’t have good things to say about the star.

Reviews of the movie itself aren’t inherently bad. But many well-respected critics out there agree that Cruise is not one of the highlights.

Crushing quotes

“Cruise is both the central figure in ‘Valkyrie’ and its weakest link. He’s distractingly bad in this … With his hard, flat American accent, he stands out in every single scene. And he’s not a good enough actor to immerse himself in this kind of period piece.” - Christy Lemire, Associated Press.

“Arguably miscast, Cruise is stiff and unconvincing as the courageously heroic German officer.” - Emanuel Levy, Cinema 24/7.

Mixed reviews

Some movie reviewers out there seem to be trying a bit too hard to see the bright side.

“Hearing Cruise’s American accent is jarring at first. But his British co-stars, including Kenneth Branagh, Tom Wilkinson and Eddie Izzard, don’t sound German either.” - Rolling Stone.

Hmm, I think perhaps the RS was trying to sound somewhat positive but, “His coworkers sound bad, too,” doesn’t sound like a compliment to me.

The good with the bad

Reviews of Cruise’s performance are generally negative or somewhat neutral. There are positive ones out there, too, but they leave me wondering if they’re rooted in loyalty that formed around “Top Gun” at an impressionable age.

The majority of the film’s reviews, however, are pretty good. At rottentomatoes.com, 64 percent of the critics gave it positive reviews. Granted, this is only 1 percent higher than the reviews for “Marley & Me,” a film whose central character is a dog.

Kirk Honeycutt at THR Intelligence calls “Valkrie” “a coolly efficient, entertaining and straightforward tale.” Hm, that doesn’t sound so bad. At least the rest of the cast won’t need to worry about a payday loan any time soon.

Too little too late?

Image via Wikipedia

Levy  makes the point in his article that “Valkyrie” is a “vehicle to re-energize Tom Cruise’s troubled career.” We haven’t seen any blockbusters on the level of the “Mission: Impossible” series since that mission was completed. For years he got nothing but bad press covering his craziness and skewering his adamant defense of Scientology. Now he bombs in a much-anticipated film with a Christmas Day release date. It could be that the Cruise ship has sailed.

Of course, Tom Cruise will never need a payday loan, but if he wants to apply for one, just for fun, he’d better do it while he still has a payday coming up.