What if Adolph Hitler Applies for Installment Loans?

Getting a personal loan is going to be the least of Adolph Hitler Campbell’s problems.

Heath, Adolph and Deborah

Can’t take a hint

The Campbells have called the same grocery store every year to request a “Happy Birthday Adolph Hilter” cake. They’ve also made requests for swastikas to be included on the cake. Each year their request is denied.

Why do they keep calling the same grocery store and making the same request? Are they trying to make a point? I think the grocery store is making the better point: Change your kid’s name. Being denied birthday cake is going to be the easiest thing your child ever has to go through because of his name.

Conflicting stories

With the national spotlight firmly focused on them, the Campbells have defended themselves and their son’s name. The boy’s father, Heath Campbell, says in several articles that he only chose the name because no one else would have it. “They need to accept a name. A name’s a name,” he said to the Associated Press.

Heath says he believes the Nazis were bad people. I find that a little hard to believe. The family’s home is reportedly decorated with swastikas. Adoph’s sisters are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie.

What’s the catch?

So Heath is apparently smart enough not to reveal his true feelings on Nazis to the nation. His family is already under enough fire (rightfully so, I think) for their son’s name; imagine if Heath admitted to being a white supremacist. So he keeps his mouth shut.

Heath is smart enough to protect himself from the wrath of a nation, but what about poor Adolph?

Bad parenting 101: Setting your child up for a world of pain

Children make fun of perfectly normal names in school. They mercilessly and cruelly tease kids with names that are unusual. Just imagine what this kid will have to go through. And though the emotional scars inflicted in grade school often don’t heal for decades, it will only get worse for this kid.

He didn’t choose his name. But people will take it out on him. I’ll admit flat out, if I met someone named Adolph Hitler I’d certainly think twice before associating with him. Think about what will happen when he applies for jobs, college, installment loans or an apartment. A lot of the people reading those applications will never see his face or get to hear him say, “I didn’t choose this name. I’m not a Nazi.”

Advice for Adolph 15  years from now

My hope is that this kid will at least be educated enough by the time he is 18 to know he can change his own name. It would be better if his parents would wake up to reality and change it for him before then, but this would be a good last resort.

Then again, maybe he WILL grow  up to be a white supremacist. Maybe his parents will brainwash him into thinking that he, too, should defend his name and ask people to accept it. Either way, I sure feel sorry for this kid.

Let the poor kid eat cake

The New Jersey Wal-Mart filled the order for Adolph’s birthday cake, just as it has twice before. I don’t have an opinion about either store’s decision to print or not print the kid’s name on a cake. I think there is only one villain in this story, and it’s the person who announced to the doctor that it would be on a birth certificate.

I’m sure Adolph will be able to secure installment loans without changing his name; it just might go more smoothly if he does.

Related Articles

• How twisted is this: Naming your child after Hitler
• ShopRite Refuses to make a Cake…for Adolf Hitler [Nazi Drama]